His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage by Willard F. Harley (1994, Book, Illustrated)

My son had a copy of this book and I started reading it. Mr Harley really has a handle on building an affair proof marriage. I bought another one for my pastor because he does alot of counseling. It gave me a lot of insight on how to meet a husbands needs and bring harmony into the marriage. Wish I would have had this when I first got married. I was clueless! I just thought I could do it like my mom and dad did. It didn't work. Of course you have to do your part and that is drop your pride and heed what it says in order to be able to apply what you read. Sincerely Judy

This book is one of the very best I've ever read on marriage and relationships. Instead of a whole bunch of complicated mumbo jumbo, this author breaks a persons needs into 10 categories, and while they may not be "exact" for each individual, they do hit the mark most of the time. This is a book I have bought for many people and think it is one of the best tools to not only recover from a down turn in your relationship, but also to prevent problems from occuring in the future.

This book provides many anecdotes as examples of how men and women should and often do not relate well to each other's emotional needs within a marriage. If that is how you learn best, by example, you may want to read this book.

However, I feel there is too much emphasis placed on the potential and reasons for anyone to have an affair. It feels like reading chapter after chapter of a bad soap opera. Not all marital problems lead to marital affairs. Sometimes the "infidelity" is another activity, such as golf, bowling, too frequent dinner parties, even church can be a form of infidelity. Lynette Hoy defined Infidelity as any activity that detracts from and takes priority over the marriage. I found the incessant references and implication that emotional neglect within a marriage ALWAYS leads to extramarital affairs to be distasteful and unnecessary.

There is just as much - and maybe more - helpful marriage and relationship advice available free on the internet. Save your money and try out Dr. Harley's own web site for starters, http://www.marriagebuilders.co​m/ and overlook the sales pitch for the book. If you've already read and understood John Gray or Gary Smalley, you probably don't need this book.

This book is helpful providing some basic gender-based differences that apply to many men and women. However, it is overgeneralized in some ways and not particularly in depth. For instance, it states that men like to do things so women need to join men in their activities (i.e. sports) - however, this may or may not be as easy or as fun as the author glibly states. It may be helpful if a couple needs a general idea of what might make their partner more enthused about the relationship.

I like it. It is a very easy read and it brings forth all of those obvious aspects that we tend to forget in a relationship. People have different needs. Understanding their basic needs and attending to them is what will make them happy. If you are concerned with their needs and they're concerned with yours, both parties are happy. A very simple premise, that tends to get lost in our day-&-age.
I do however feel that at times, it can be slightly onesided. It seems to hit the fellows a bit harder than the ladies. For example, he puts the men responsible for attending to the women's affection needs and then it even seems to blame the men for not getting their own sexual needs met (due to being negligent with foreplay, clumsly, unskilled lovers, not giving of affection, etc.). The book tends to slap them on the wrist more often for any short comings on their part while not being as harsh with women. We're told, they need sex but then he goes straight to the men to tell them what they may be doing wrong to not properly engage us (women). Now, that being said, I do indeed agree him, but that is something that could be met with a bit of resistance depending on how open your male partner is to receiving criticism (however constructive it may be).