Product ReviewsDon't Call It Love : Recovery from Sexual Addiction by Patrick Carnes (1992, Trade Paperback)

Recover from Sexual and other Addictions

Key strategy- work to FINISH THINGS! Addicts do not finish things,ENDING THINGS (projects,relationships) adds substantially to recovery. They prefer to "keep options open." Thrives in unfinished business. Starting more than they can finish leads to a comfortable CRISIS. Addicts avoid completing their conversations; important feelings and facts are not communicated. Conflicts not resolved/ PAIN ACCUMULATES. Increase PAIN AND COST/ TO STOP the addictions. In childhood they (addict) needed something didn't receive- trust, security, safety, non-sexual affection, both parents together? A since of normalcy (what they would feel in life in a committed relationship. (Need trust mot to worry, to simply live life normally) THEY HAVE A RESPONSIBILITY TO THOSE YOU HAVE HURT. THIER NEGATIVE EMOTIONS ARE TRANSFERRED TO CHILDREN AROUND THEM. Addictive sex feels shameful, illicit, stolen, exploitive, and joyless. Healthy sex = adds to self-esteem, is mutual, intimate, fun, and playful. Fighting (disagreeing)= act of trust / focus on issues. Give the outcome to God. Horniness = loneliness. When in doubt, don't have sex. Secrets will separate you from others in recovery. Get a pet to have healthy touching needs met. Avoid the feeling that you are a victim (having control over your body, thoughts, opinions, and feelings that you think someone in authority wouldn't approve of you having. You have to answer only to yourself. Be gentle w/ yourself about old tortuous conflicts. They are not about you. They never were! You are safe with your thoughts; they are yours. Recovery = burst of creativity, brings awareness of abuse. NURTURING- Learning how to care for themselves and to allow others to care for them IS an essential RECOVERY TASK. Intimacy = shared enjoyable experiences! FIDELITY TO YOURSELF is the ultimate act of faithfulness to the other. Trust yourself. It's as hard for your partner as it is for you! Admit mistakes. Share Spirituality. Have fun together = common experiences. Sustain from sex w/o intimacy. Talk before, during, and after sex. Compliment your partner. Respect boundaries. Pay attention to feelings. See sex as a legitimate joy! Take care of your body. Express attraction. Work on friendship and companionship. Fast-forward the realtionship so you will know it will be even better in the future. Continued in FACING THE SHADOWS.Read full review...

A valuable resource for those suffering from or treating sexual addition.

This book nails sexual addiction right on the head. It would be great to see an updated version that also deals with the new challenges that have come with online pornography since this book was written before the internet was in civilian use. I would definitely recommend this book for anyone dealing with or treating others with sexual addiction. If society understood addiction as well as the author does, the world would be doing a far better job treating it.Read full review...

Verified purchase:  Yes | Condition: pre-owned | Sold by: thrift.books

Okay book

I've read better but there are some very good points in here. It's definitely worth reading but I wouldn't base my education on the subject on this book alone.

Verified purchase:  Yes | Condition: pre-owned | Sold by: thrift.books

I bought this book...I'm in recovery.Excellent book!!!!

It's a great book for sex addiction recovery.Great practical exercises.I'm in
recovery for sex and love addiction, this is a very well written book on both the problem and solution of sex addiction.Read full review...